Monday, September 26, 2011

My Fathers Birthday

Yesterday was my fathers birthday. All week I have been thinking about him. I was emotional in the beginning of the week, but I got better as the days went by getting closer to his birthday, I really think my father was close helping me be strong. On Tuesday I went to see a doctor, I told her how over this past year I have been very stressed due to loosing my father at the beginning of the year and started to cry, but then I clentched my teeth and told myself not to loose it in the doctors office. The rest of the week went better. On Saturday I took my dog Jack for a walk and enjoyed the beautiful weather and thought of my dad the whole walk. Everything around me reminds me of him, the sky, green grass, the sound of a law mower and the nice cool breeze. I felt him close. I held it together pretty well and again almost lost it just after sacrament meeting I leaned over to Shane and wispered to him, it's my fathers birthday today and leaned back and said I know, for a split second I thought I was going to burst into tears, but I did good. I then celebrated the day relaxing on the sofa with 4 hours of Sister Wives. It's not really how I wanted to celebrate my fathers birthday, but I think he would have wanted me to celebrate the day just how I did. Just being me and enjoying life. How hard the last 9 or so months have been with him gone, but I know I only get stronger each day and I continue to remember him in all the little things I do. What an amazing man he was and continues to be. I see him every time I look at my brothers and my nephews. He is there in each one of us. My sisters, my neices, in me and my mother. He continues to live in me and that brings me joy knowing he is closer then I think. Still to this day when I think about his life, his illness and his death, it hits me each time like a ton of bricks. I still hurt, but I know one day we will see him again. I wrote in a birthday card for him once when I was alittle girl, I love you dad, you're the best dad I ever had. He laughed and his reply was, what other dads have you had. I continued to write that phrase, but added a P.S. in every birthday card up unitl last year. You really are the best dad I ever had. Love you Dad and Happy Birthday.

A man of many talents. This is a pinokio puppet that he and I made for my neice Abbie. He made the puttet and I made the clothes. It was a great project to work on with my dad.


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